nicole andrea

02:17 am: Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

i'm off to pick up the pieces of my life and try to figure out who i am. without blaming anyone, without lying to anyone, without believing in anyone's lies.

This time I'm doing this for ME. because i need to begin believing that I need it and I'm worth it.

09:49 pm: in more ways than one
Let's stay together

I'm, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is alright with me
'Cause you make me feel, so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Me sayin' since, baby, since we've been together
Ooo, loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me, be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue
Ooo baby

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why somebody, why people break up
Oh, and turn around and make up
I just can't seeeeeeeee
You'd never do that to me
(Would you baby)
'Cause being around you is all I see
It's why I want us to

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether

11:32 am: I need to go to a place somewhere only we know..
I walked across, an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth, beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across, a fallen elm tree,
I felt the branches; are they looking at me?
Is this the place, we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go.

Hmmm yeahh.

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.

01:20 am: It's real Love.. It's really real.

10:41 am: Excuse the cheesiness.
And, when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forever more

We, we're just too young to know
We fell in love and let it go
So easy to say the words goodbye
So hard to let the feeling die

I know how much I need you now
The time is turning back somehow
As soon as our hearts and souls unite
I know for sure we'll get the feeling right

CHORUS
And now we're starting over again
It's not the easiest thing to do
I'm feeling inside again
"Cause everytime I look at you
I know we're starting over again
This time we'll love all the pain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again

If we niver lived alone
Then we might have never known
All of the time we spent apart
All we did was break each other's hearts

MUSIC TURNAROUND

And when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forevermore

REPEAT CHORUS

And now we're starting over again
This time we'll chase all the rain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again
We are starting over, over again

05:50 am: Colors!! --from Ninoy

---

Name: nic
Date: 2/11/2009
Colorgenics Number: 54612307

---

You are in a state of constant expectation and want interesting and exciting things to happen to you. But in fact, you are a 'Walter Mitty' at times - a dreamer - over-imaginative and often given to fantasy or day-dreaming. There is nothing wrong in 'dreaming' - how boring life would be if one just followed the doctrines of everyday life - but one must not continue leading a life of continuous fantasy. You need to face reality in spite of all its possible shortcomings.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

try it here!!!

01:04 pm: Highlight of the Year So far..
... is my boyfriend preparing a candlelight dinner for me tonight, with Barbra Streisand singing this in the background:

Ive dreamed of you
Always feeling you
Were there
And all my life
I have searched for you
Everywhere
I caught your smile
In the morning sun
I heard your whisper
On the breeze of night
I prayed one day
That your arms would hold me tight

And just when i
Thought love had passed me by
We met
That first look
In your eyes
I cant forget
You melted me
With your tender touch
I felt all fear and sorrow
Slip away
Now here we stand
Hand in hand
This blessed day

I promise you
As I give to you
My heart
That nothing in this world
Shall keep us apart
Come happily ever after be
The man Ill love
Until the very end
Ive dreamed of you
My great love
And my best friend

For God must know
How I love you so
Hes blessed us here today
As man and wife
Come dream with me
As Ive dreamed of you
All my life

Come dream with me
As Ive dreamed of you
All my life

**

Sometimes I feel like someone luckier than I am traded my sorry ass life and gave me this fairy tale of a life for awhile. Because even when shit happens (normally I create the shit), everything still seems to be created out of my wildest dreams. And tonight was the wildest dream of them all. Please God, I don't want to wake up at all.

09:27 am: The Top Ten Things To Say To A Hot Guy/Girl With A Really Ugly Girlfriend/Boyfriend

Not that I think I have an ugly boyfriend hahaha. (sampal ang aabutin ng taong humirit sakin nun..)

1. “Pare, mahilig ka pala sa abstract…”

2. “Ay…lugi…”

3. “Tale as old as time…”

4. “Pare, ba’t may ka-holding hands ka na lalaki?”

5. “Tamang-tama miss! Kamukha mo si Heidi Klum…at kamukha naman niya si Seal!”

6. “Sabi ko na nga ba eh, mahilig ka sa inner beauty.”

7. “Uy, hindi pa pala extinct yung ganyan?”

8. “Idol mo si Andrew E. kaya ka humanap ng pangit?”

9. “Pare ilegal yan, i-surrender mo na yan sa DENR!”

10. “Masarap siya siguro magmahal, no?”

11. “Miss, hindi pa ba nagbabayad ng ransom ang mga relatives m0″

12. “Ikaw naman, nung sinabihan kitang be kind to animals, hindi naman ganyan!”

13. “Magkano inabot?”

14. “Uy, ang cute! Anong breed?”

15. “Aba, aba, aba, tru lab nga!”

16. “Wow, ang sarap i-photoshop!”

17. “Let me guess, mahaba ang dila niya, noh?”

18. “Sabi ko na nga ba, katawan lang ang habol mo eh!”

19. “Wow, ang sarap ng girlfriend mo…ang sarap sampalin!”

20. “Hoy, mag-sorry ka sa mga mata ko!”

21. “You know, it’s unethical for a doctor to date his patients, especially if you’re a vet.”

22. “Pare, ano siya, mabait o mayaman?”

23. “Wow pare, naks, kamukha ni anne curtis ang girlfriend mo ah…sa Kampanerang kuba…”

24. “Wow, mukha palang ulam na! Ulam na panis!”

25. “Hindi ka na ba naawa sa mga magiging anak niyo?”

26. “Pare, Pinoy ka! Pinoy ka! Anong akala mo sa sarili mo, foreigner?”
27. “Nangangagat? Pwedeng hawakan?”

28. “Pare, minsan try mo din yung tao…”

29. “Pare, magiging swan ba yan sa ending?”

30. “Dad! Bilis! Tignan mo yung dala nung mama! Bilis, bigyan mo ng saging!”

07:35 am: Happy is me. :) :) :)
I never thought being this happy was actually possible. But it's real. and it's happening to MEEEEEEEE. 

at oo na.. alam kong si Golez yan ok. hahaha. we don't choose the people who make us happy. basta lang tayo masaya. masayang masayang masaya.

12:02 am: Heartbreak Hotel - Elvis Presley

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

I Try - Macy Gray

 

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Here I Am Beyonce

 

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script

 

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

My Love - Justin Timberlake

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

By Your Side - Sade

 

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Too Little, Too Late - Jojo

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Linger - Cranberries

 

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

How to Save a Life - The Fray = thanks guys, ganun na ba ako ka suicidal?!

WHAT SONG WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

In Da Club - 50 Cent = as in 1st dance namin to ha.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Angel - Sarah Mclachlan = yes, drama!!!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Sway - Bic Runga

 

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

If You Walk Away - David Pomeranz and Sharon Cuneta = biggest secret ko i have sharon cuneta songs in my iPod.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Lucky - Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat = coz you know, I feel like home. :) i heart my friends.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Fast Car - MYMP

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

Alone - Heart = naman, wag naman Lord.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Officially Missing You - Tamia = oh no, hahaha!!

 

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

More Than Words - Extreme

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy

 

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Miss Independent - Ne-Yo = ayoko muna maging independent?!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Chris Cox Britney Spears megamix - Britney Spears = shet, hahaha, nakakahiya iPod ko...

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer = correct!!

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Heartbreak Hotel - Elvis Presley

***
Sinipag mag-shuffle! Questions from Ninoy. :)

 

11:48 pm: Ob La Di Ob La Da The Beatles
If someone says, “Is this okay?” - Never Leave - Lumidee
I never thought you'd be the one
To make me shine brighter then the sun - puede.. hahaha.

How would you describe yourself? - Steep - Lauren Christy - sige na nga...


What do you like in a girl/guy? - Yesterday - Leona Lewis
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

How do you feel today? - Do you want to know a secret? - The Beatles
Yes.. happy ako today.. I feel like home eh. hahahaha.


What is your life’s purpose? - Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
correct!!!as in wedding night!!! hahahaha ulit.. tae.

What do your friends think of you? - I Do (Cherish You) - 98 Degrees
Thanks guys.. you heart me talaga.

What do you think about very often? - Forevermore - Side A
Correct again!! I just can't believe that you are mine now,  you were just a dream that I once knew, I never thought I would be right for you. Eeewww hahahaha.


What is 2 + 2? - Leaving Tonight - Jennifer Hudson & Ne-Yo
Dapat dito divided by 2?!


What do you think of your best friend? - On Love, In Sadness - Jason Mraz
You see, well, I'm feeling lucky oh well, maybe that's just me
Well you'd be(so)proud of me oh well, if you could only see

What do you think of the person you like? - Gold Digger - Kanye West
Joke lang to!!! Blame the shuffle!!!

What is your life story? - Lip Gloss - Little Mama
my lip gloss is popping?!

What do you want to be when you grow up? - Touch my Body - Mariah Carey
Yesss.. pokpok!!!

What do you think of when you see the person you like? - Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
Bwahahahaha. True!!!

What will you dance to at your wedding? - When I See You - Fantasia
Something now is taking over me
I'm not gonna run I'm,
Just gonna stand here and see

What will they play at your funeral? - Love to Love You Baby - Donna Summer
ayos.

What is your hobby/interest? - Especially for You - MYMP
making him happy i guess??

What is your biggest fear? - Love Song - Sara Bareilles
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today


What is your biggest secret? - Promise me - Beverly Craven


What do you think of your friends? - Sexy Love - Ne-Yo
Sexy tyo and I love you!?

What will you post this as?  Ob La Di Ob La Da The Beatles

**Saw this from Rico and Ninoy. :)

01:32 am: From Bob Ong
1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..”

2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”

3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”

4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”

5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”

6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”

7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”

8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”

9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”

10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”

11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”

12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”

13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”

14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”

15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”

19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka..”

10:01 am: nn
di ko alam kung papaano ko ikkwento lahat ng nangyari.

until now parang nasa malaking bubble ako and i'm denying reality to sink in. Feeling ko buhay parin siya. Feeling ko may future parin siya. matututo parin siya maglakad, makakapag salita parin siya, magaaral, magbubulakbol, magkakakagirlfriend, magaasawa at mamamatay ng matanda na.

kaso everytime pumipikit ako nakikita ko siyang nakahiga sa ER ng PGH. naaalala kong wala na siyang malay, na kapag binubulungan ko siya hindi na nya iniikot ung ulo nya para tignan ako.

Iniisip ko kahapon na kahit isang beses lang, dumilat siya at makita ko ulit ung mga mata nya. Kahit isang beses lang ulit na tignan nya ako.

Ang dami daming doctor, ang daming nurse na umaasikaso sa kanya. Ang daming machine, ang daming tube, ang daming lahat. Tapos parang di ko parin maget. Kasi iniisip ko lang ang liit liit pa nya. Wala pa siyang alam, dapat naalagaan ko siya. Dapat hindi kami dumating sa ganun. Iniisip ko lang gusto ko syang kargahin kasi alam ko ayaw nyang binababa siya. Gusto ko siyang kargahin parang dati tapos magigising siya tapos titignan nya ako ulit. Dinala ko pa ung toy nyang gustong gusto nya kasi akala ko aabutan ko siyang gising pa.

Nagawa ko lang siyang tignan. Hawak ko lang kamay nya, tapos paulit ulit lang ako na "ok lang to baby." ilalabas ko din siya dun tapos hindi na siya mahihirapan tapos hindi na siya masasaktan. Sinabi kong gagawa ako ng paraan gumaling lang siya.

nakikita kong tumatagilid ung luha nya, kasi daw nasasaktan parin siya. tang ina di ko talaga alam kung gusto kong magwala or umupo nalang at umiyak. alam ko lang may batang nasasaktan kaso wala akong magawa kung hindi tignan siya. Parang feeling ko natraydor ko sya.

Hindi ko na masyadong nakausap ung nanay kasi kung naharap ko yun ng todo baka nasapak ko yun. Pinromise nya sa akin na hindi nya pababayaan ung bata nung binawi nya sa akin last week. Punieta siya hindi ba pagpapapabaya yung ginawa nya? 4 araw nang nagtatae at nagsusuka ung bata bakit wala siyang ginawa? Pag dating nila sa PGH wala nang pulso ung bata, 14 minutes namatay tapos narevive nalang ulit. Tapos pagdating namin sa PGH inuna pa nyang bumili ng drink para sa sarili nya kesa asikasuhin ung bata.

Hindi ko parin tanggap na wala na siya. Kaninang 2am habang tulog kami dito nahihirapan na pala talaga siya. Kung alam ko lang hindi na sana ako umalis. Sana may kasama siya dun habang nahihirapan siya. Sana kinarga nalang siya para hindi na siya umiyak ulit.

Kaninang umaga nagdadasal pa ako na makahanap pako ng sponsor para sa kanya. Un pala wala na akong maaabutan dun. Iniisip ko pang malalabas ko siya tapos babawi ako sa lahat ng napagdaanan nyang hirap, yun pala hanggang dun nalang.

Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung bakit ang aga kunin yung bata. Tinatanong ko sa lahat kung ano ang purpose ni God pag ganun. Iniisip ko nalang na si God nalang ang babawi sa kanya sa lahat ng paghihirap nya dito sa mundo.

Kaso ung hindi ko na siya makikita ulit, ung maliliit nyang mga kamay, tapos ung palm line nyang sobrang straight, ung maliliit nyang fingers nya parati nyang sinusubo lahat sa bibig nya, ung malulungkot nyang mga mata, malungkot pala kasi mawawala na pala siya. Lahat yun hindi ko na makikita ulit, tapos hindi ko na siya makakarga, hindi ko na mahuhug, hindi ko na mahahalikan ung noo nyang malaki. Hindi ko na siya matuturuang maglakad, hanggang sa video ko nalang siya maririnig na nagbbaby talk.

Kung sana hindi nalang binawi sa akin ung bata siguro mas nagkachance pa siyang mabuhay. Un ung di ko maget. Kung ano ba talaga dapat.

Tapos nagka premonition na pala ako. Paulit ulit kong pinakinggan ung Tears in Heaven nung binawi siya, tapos naiiiyak talaga ako. Parang ang morbid at that time, kasi buhay pa siya. Yun pala, pag nakita ko siya ulit, dun na.

So kunwari ngayon ok lang ako, pag kasama ko sila mama ok lang ako nakikitawa lang ako.

07:45 am: Time vs Testing the Waters
Lately it seems all my friends are getting on with their lives, getting married (wohoo!), having kids, generally no longer the people I'm used to them being, instead, they've turned into adults.

And lately discussions have taken on a more serious note between my friends, and sometimes even with my sister. One of the things that no one seems to agree with me is the longevity of a relationship before taking it to the next level. I've seen one relationship after another end after five, seven and ten years. After everyone, and even the couples themselves, expect that they would get married, they break up.

But it also seems that couples who have only been together for a short time, get married right away and then last longer.

Is time still an issue here? Do we still consider the time that a couple is together as a very important factor in telling whether or not they will actually make it?

I just don't want to waste anymore of my years in a relationship, then after 2-3 years, we break up. Obviously, that's another few years down the drain spent with the wrong person.

And I'm not really in a hurry to jump into anything here, but this time, I value my time much more than I did when I was younger.

09:36 am: My Baby Boy
Not ready to tell all yet.

***

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
cause I know I dont belong here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
Ill find my way through night and day
cause I know I just cant stay here in heaven...

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...begging please

Beyond the door there's peace Im sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
cause I know I dont belong here in heaven...

10:40 am: yun yun eh.

01:13 pm: Maybe this Time
i don't know if:

a. I'm in love with the idea of falling in love.

b. If I'm actually falling in love with him again.

c. If I'm just chicken shit to admit that it's actually letter b.

All I know is, I'm happy. and that i'm also scared.

I lost him once before, parang I know na now how that feels, this time around, I feel like I wanna give it a chance.

06:50 am: Marky Mark supporting Manny P!!
Spot the MP shirt. :)

http://perezhilton.com/2008-12-23-more-celebs-spotted-spending-money

02:23 am: UTANG NA LOOB PUEDE BA???????????
This entry by Jai already went global.

Nakakahiya tayo!!! Ano ba.

02:19 pm: Whatever Happens, Happens (the future's not ours to see...)
After a long while, I decided to change my multiply theme and header. I really love "ready for extraordinary" because I felt that I am.. the thing is I just realized how not ready I actually am pala.

It's easy for me to say that my not being ready stems from an endless string of disasters waiting to happen. It's made me unwilling to put myself out there again and risk not only myself, my time, my effort, my emotions.

And yes, I'm talking about being in a relationship.

Last I checked, I haven't been in one for almost a year, and counting. And I can honestly say that I am happy and content, although I am cranky and very masungit. Don't think it has anything to do wit my being single though.

I never used to buy what people would say about their being single, happy with family, friends, etc. I always thought that it was really because they didn't have any choice on the matter. (no offense to all my single friends, you know I love you!)

But then, I realized that it actually is possible to really be single by choice. It's effing hard I admit, especially when the loneliness hits, when there's no one to text at 2am just coz.

On the other hand, it's so much fun!! When friends bitch and whine about their S.O.'s (again, I love you, my crazy attached friends) I try to mix smugness and sympathy, nodding and clucking at the injustice of not getting an extension on a curfew, or an overprotective S.O., all the while in the back of my mind my huge smug ass is all "Haha, wala akong ganyang problema".

Sometimes, it's really just a matter of choosing how to look at it exactly.

All this because I decided to change my multiply theme and header. Tss.

But really, I'm happily eating my life away, (I gained like, almost a whole other person) and watching all the movies I want, saving a load of money on credits, having my money and time all to myself, my friends and family, and I don't have to be Paranoia Princess on where my guy is or who he's with and if he's home and showered and tucked into bed at 9pm.

Cue Beyonce's Me, Myself and I here.

But then, lately, I've been getting nagging feelings that I didn't recognize at first, since it's been so long. (and no it's not a four letter word that starts with L and ends with T) Maybe it's reading too much Twilight, maybe it's too much fantasizing over Edward's You are my Life now... (I mean really, how many of us wouldn't want to hear that?) But lately, I've been getting lonelier and lonelier, but not because of lack of company, because I still have my friends and family.

I just started wishing that when I'm out w/ friends and they're texting their lives away ("Hun, I'm here na." "Hun, how many funs are you having there?") I'm just seated there, gazing blankly into space, and thinking, "Taena, I wish I had someone to text".

Did I just admit that I want a boyfriend??

Well, yes and no.

I realized that yeah I'm ready to seriously consider that maybe I am ready for extraordinary, or even ready to consider one, if God will bless me with Piolo Pascual coming my way. (anytime baby)

It's just that the past few months I let myself go (and I mean let go all the way) because I just didn't care. I just wanted to be by myself and be happy doing whatever I wanted, which constituted eating mostly minus the calorie counting, and going out with friends, and watching all the mababaw, brain cell reducing shows TV has to offer, and not care about the opposite sex.

I think I just gave up, because my last relationship was a disaster w/a BIG BOLD, FLAMING RED CAPITAL D that I wanted to avoid the slightest contact with any guy in any shape, age, form and race.

But then, earlier than I expected, I find myself looking around again, and then looking in horror at the mirror at the catastrophe that is my body, and I shake my head in disgust as I barely recognize the fat ass staring right back at me, I find that I am at a place that I had my past written on every stretch mark, tracing every mound of bilbil, my regret over my last relationship still dripping from my uncontrollable, insatiable appetite. I decided to eat my regret away, trying to drown my disgust in spaghetti sauce, and desperately hiding my dismay in ice cream.

This year I'll give myself another chance. I fucked up, even though I've repeatedly reminded, and have been reminded to not fuck up, I did it again (Oops I.. did it again! Oh.. you shouldn't have..) but hey, I have to admit, and force myself to accept that I'm human, but not all mistakes are irreparable, and that some things are still fixable, and more importantly, worth fixing.

That's why my Multiply theme's now "Whatever Happens, Happens". I have no plans of putting myself out ha, (except pag si Piolo na ang dumaan) but, then, que sera sera.

If you've seen me in all my Flubber, Marshmallow Woman, Attack of the 300lb (exag to ha! Taena) glory, I hope you had a good look. Because I wouldn't want to be caught dead looking like this ever again.

Oh and if I ask you to go out to eat, bring a crowbar, masking tape and a copy of this blog entry. :)